positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
