he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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