I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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