Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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