I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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