so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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