my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
