getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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