and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
