he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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