just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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