my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize