Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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