RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
