I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
