Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
