I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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