There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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