I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
