So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize