Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
