I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
