I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize