Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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