I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
