oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
