successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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