You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
