You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
