Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
