im holly from the hills drunk
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
