my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
