I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
