I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
