Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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