Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
