There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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