i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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