I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need a beard to bite.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
