On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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