My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We need to get me chipped asap
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
