My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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