she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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