There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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