he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
