You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
