U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
