if you like me you must not know who I am
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
