one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
God gave him joint rollers for hands
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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