Yo dont text me then not text me
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just want to make out with him forever
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize