You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
