You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
