Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
