Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
