Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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