I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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