Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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