yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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