I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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