So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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