Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
