shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
