Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
