somebody snuck up and got me drunk
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I need to sanitize my soul.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
