I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
