Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
