ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
