: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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