I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
