90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
