HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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