I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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