This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
