Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
