Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
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