How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
