Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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