The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
