The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize