turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
