no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize