He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
